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      1. 您的当前位置:我要说说网 > 个性说说 > 正文

        小红书搞笑个性签名句子

        来源:我要说说网 编辑:阳光女孩 时间:2019-09-19

        一、 我昨晚去洗浴中心,发现初恋在里面当小姐,往事历历在目,而今物是人非。我很难过,因为她不肯给我优惠价。

        二、 以后别问我有没有对象了,我们仙女跟凡人谈恋爱是违背天条的。

        三、 我这么可爱以后会便宜哪个臭小子呢?

        四、 现在有些人的思想真是没法说,你以为长得好看就有男生喜欢么,你以为你有钱女生就都贴上来了么,你以为有钱真的会快乐么,今天我就在这里告诉你们:是的!

        五、 我问我妈:“我结婚了你准备问男方要多少彩礼钱?”我妈很坚定的说:“不要了,养你这个祸害嫁到人家家里我就够愧疚了,人家肯把你弄走,搭钱都行!”

        六、 和男朋友分手了,他和新欢结婚,叫我去参加婚礼,我欣然的答应了。我为他准备了礼物:“绿色的雨伞。”送上祝福语:“你若不举,便是晴天,你若举了,绿云罩顶。”

        七、 每次和几个上进心强的同学联系完了,就有一股想好好学习的冲动,好在我自制力比较强,过会就压下去了。

        八、 去车站送走一个朋友,临别时他几次冲出车站但都遭到安检人员的阻拦,我知道他很舍不得,毕竟行李还在我手里。

        九、 有趣的姑娘都单身,因为她们一个人,就可以撑起无聊的岁月,很难找到比自己还有趣的人,今后的路,我希望你好好走下去,而我,坐车。

        小红书搞笑个性签名句子

        十、 一次同学考试传纸条,被监考老师发现了。这同学灵机一动,趁老师不注意就把纸条放嘴里了。老师走过来后,此同学说:“在嚼泡泡糖。”结果老师来一句:“来,给我吹个泡泡。”

        十一、 其实我挺喜欢数学的,它没有语文的迂回,没有英语的语法,没有历史政治的复杂和信息量,它有的只是不会做、不会做和不会做!

        十二、 和女同事出差,白天跑一天办正事,晚上一起吃了当地特色小吃,又一起逛了当地夜景;鼐频旰蟾障赐暝,她发信息过来,说累一天腰酸背痛,问我可不可以过去帮她捏捏背。老子直接关机,看把你惯得,尼玛的都是人,又不是就你一个人跑一天,凭啥让别人伺候你?坚决不能助长这种女权主义!大家说对不对?

        十三、 你要是喜欢一个女生,就好好学习,找个好工作,挣好多好多钱,等她结婚的时候,你多出点份子钱。

        十四、 在这个赚钱非常容易的时代,我是属于非常容易被赚走钱的那种人。

        十五、 对不起,我接受不了网恋,虚无缥缈的东西没办法给我带来安全感,猜忌和怀疑是深夜流泪的根源,我要稳稳的幸福,一伸手就能碰触的那种,但如果你问我网恋吗,前面的话当我没说,加我!

        十六、 我女友长的有点像范冰冰,昨晚带她去吃火锅,一进门,全场投来羡慕的目光,虚荣心又一次瞬间爆棚!年轻的服务员也是满脸紧张,“先生几位?”看他扭捏的表情,我大方一笑“只有我俩,要鸳鸯锅”服务生又趁机偷看了我女朋友一眼,不舍的走了。一会经理来了“先生,您能不能把您的娃娃先放气收起来,怕烧坏了”。

        十七、 对于这种丧心病狂的骗局,只想说一句,请联系我不要伤害其他人!

        十八、 今天老师征集;せú莸谋暧,小明脱口而出:今天踩我头上,明天种你坟上。

        十九、 儿子一岁半,今天终于会开口说话了,第一句竟然是“叫爸爸”,老子是这么教你的?

        二十、 去医院打针,结果是一个实习护士,扎了半天之后我看了一眼就晕了过去,醒来后她问我:“怎么,你晕血?”我说:“不,我有密集恐惧症。”

        二十一、 你说要去看左耳,我找遍了整个医院你却在电影院。

        二十二、 如果有一天你出事了,请一定叫上我,我不会扣字,不能给你挡刀,但我可以出来帅死对方。

        二十三、 我想和自己喜欢的人握手的时候,大概只能说:“我们来掰手腕吧”。

        二十四、 心狠手辣的我,舔了一下自己的手指,然后被辣哭了。

        二十五、 一女子来到山上的寺庙,想向方丈讨教传统功夫。于是方丈随手一指电脑上的水煮鱼图片问:想不想吃?女子答:想吃!方丈又指麻辣串问:想不想吃?女子答:想吃!方丈又指毛血旺问:想不想吃?女子答:想吃!方丈这时说:很好,你已练成了。这功就叫一指馋!

        二十六、 你已经是个大男孩子了,应该学会画一条干净的眼线,修一对干净的眉,喷一些清淡又好闻的香水,画个清秀的淡妆……然后在这个大好年纪和女生一起抢男人。

        二十七、 打喷嚏前要记得说“PiKa”,感觉自己萌萌哒。

        二十八、 女友坐在我大腿上看书,我在玩手机。忽然间女友一边轻咬下唇,一边专注看书,画面很是诱人。我便轻轻的亲了女友一下。女友皱了下眉看了看我,然后继续看书。接着又出现刚那诱人的画面。当我又想亲女友的时候,女友一手捏住我的嘴唇,怒骂:“滚一边去,老娘牙疼你掺和个啥!”

        二十九、 老婆:老公,台风要来了!你可要抱紧我,万一我吹到别人家,别人不还怎么办?老公:你可拉倒吧!就你这样,人家顶着风也要把你送回来!

        三十、 八戒,别以为你站在路灯下就是夜明猪了。搞笑的个性说说大全。

        三十一、 一人向路边倒车,看到旁边站着一位老人就说:“大爷,要撞上了麻烦您告诉我一声。”老人:“好的,倒倒倒。”咣的一声巨响,老人:“好了,撞上了。”

        三十二、 小时候看到这一幕,真的哭了;长大后看到这一幕,忽然腐了。

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